Pet contract - Revcounter 443

By: Guy Allen

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mercedes benz mercedes benz

Anyone who buys your toy should sign a contract

It was a strange discussion. There we were talking with Ms A Jnr and recently-minted husband Matt. It was about letting go of your toys and selling them on to new owners.

Here’s the question: when you sell a car, do you have any right to say how it’s used? On any normal commercial planet, the answer is a resounding "no!"

You just sold it and it’s an inanimate object. How on earth can anyone get wrapped up in what happens next? Take the money and run as far away as possible. Perfectly sensible.

And if we were talking white goods or lawn mowers, I’d go with that. But this is cars and, like it or not, sometimes your personality and history get wrapped up in them.

A recent experience led up to this. I momentarily put the Benz land yacht on the market because I’d seen something shinier with more cylinders. And of course any sensible person knows we should have a strict one-in then one-out policy for vehicles. (Except motorcycles, because they don’t take up much room. Really.)

So I get a call and they want to know a bit about the car. I start waxing lyrical about its known history, who’s worked on it, etcetera and am cut short with an enquiry on whether it has a towbar. Err no. Would it cost much to fit one? Dunno. I’m not sure I like where this is going.

The conversation continues and it’s clear the buyer just wants max car per buck, doesn’t give a fat rat’s arse what it is and will simply work whatever it is to death before going out and getting another one. I get visions of it, in a few years, sitting up on bricks, being used as a chook house.

In some ways I get this utilitiarian and uber-sensible approach. It is after all a thing and not a relative. Or is it?

Here’s the problem: I’ve got to really like the old dear. It’s sort of the motoring version of having a grand old dame for an aunt, who’s a bit of a family treasure. And you certainly don’t want to see her mistreated.

When I described the problem to partner Ms M senior, she instantly understood. "You can’t do that to her!"

Which raised the ugly issue of not selling anything when the ‘new’ car turns up. So much for the one-in one-out policy! We’ll just have to find more space.

There we were chewing over this whole selling drama with Ms A and Mr M and it was the latter who made the connection. They’ve recently bought a very large (think Shetland Pony), hairy and exotic dog. A Greater Spotted Swiss Hooting Hound – or something like that.

Whatever. They had to sign an agreement with the breeder that gave them visitation rights and, if things had gone horribly wrong, the right to intervene and rescue the mutt. Though it irks, in some ways I admire that.

Which of course provided Matt’s solution to selling a car you love. Get a copy of the Swiss Hooting Hound contract, and modify it to say ‘Ford’, ‘Benz’, or whatever marque and make the new owner sign it. You get to visit and, if they’re not treating it with respect, take it back off them again. Works for me…


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