Foreign Territory – Faine #482

By: Jon Faine

Date: 09.10.2023

Like old socks in a washing machine, what happens to them all?

The Jag looking pristine if a little naked.

If I connected all the threads from all the T bags I have ever used, the string would reach to Le Mans and back.

If I could find all the tiny spring washers I have dropped into the unreachable depths of all the cars I have ever owned, they would fill a skip.

If the horde of many years’ worth of lost spanners, pliers, screwdrivers and sockets all magically rematerialised I could open a tool shop and would never need to work again.

Like odd socks in the washing machine, what happens to them all? 

As I press energetically through what is optimistically tagged as ‘middle’ age, my dexterity deteriorates in tandem with my libido.

While the ambition is still there, I am much better - as a mechanic I need to clarify - in my mind than in the real world. 

Mysterious as that existential crisis is, there are other puzzles in my garage. It seems that despite lost spring washers and sockets, all my recent work is paying off.

For the first time in about a decade, a majority of the cars in my shed are actually going. Reliably starting, driving and returning home. Not leaking. Not needing any urgent fettling. A pleasure to drive.

When I tuck them back into their cosy nest, I can simply turn off the ignition, shut the roller door and walk away. 

I am not sure what to do with myself. This is alien territory, confusing and psychologically challenging. I am habituated to feeling needed and am unsettled at having a garage with cars that do not need urgent repairs.

Newly crackle finished painted heater control levers.

In the absence of distraction, I have recommitted to coachbuilding the wooden frame for the 1926 Citroen Caddy tribute (a polite way of describing a replica).

My dusty amateurish efforts, relying on revived secondary school carpentry skills, will keep me sneezing and coughing while busy preparing for the car’s centenary. I vowed to have it finished by 2026 and like most vows, that may need renegotiating.

The ’A’ pillars are done, so next I will mock-up a waistline as a guide, a stable datum point to align with the location of the eventual tip of the boat-tail.

Then all that is required is to fill in the gaps. Sounds simple, but keeping it square and symmetrical is a mind-boggling challenge.

Elsewhere, the 1970 Jaguar Series 2 E-Type restoration is progressing at an alarming and expensive rate.

It is becoming familiar territory to visit the toyshop that is Historic & Vintage Restoration in Blackburn in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs, a motoring Aladdin’s cave, and to find myself gaping at my own car instead of those belonging to other car nuts.

My relationship to the place is totally transformed when I have skin in the game.

Each visit when I tiptoe through their roller-shutter and stare at the cars, it is an almost out-of-body experience.

There are historic race cars, a Pagoda Merc, a huge imperious 30’s Bentley, a magnificent Delage, an early Maserati, various race cars and objects of automotive envy far more precious than I can imagine. And amongst them, my soon-to-be resurrected Jaguar! 

Since the painter finished with my E-Type, the silvery sound/heat deadener has been installed, using modern materials instead of the less efficient - and flammable as we discovered - originals.

The sound-mat was followed by the complete new wiring loom with all its mysteries gradually plumbed.

Bizarrely, the rear-hatch glass demister wiring connection is not included in the loom, even though it’s a factory fitting.

Jaguar provide such delightful little surprises - an extra loom has to be grafted on to provide the power for the element, the warning light and the switch. English electrics - need I say any more?

Reinserting the 6-cylinder engine - complete with freshly ceramic exhaust manifold, new clutch, engine mounts and countless other preventative maintenance items - was done from below so as not to disturb and inevitably compromise the freshly painted lattice frame and scuttle. 

Fitting the new stainless-steel exhaust proved to be not as straightforward as expected - the middle muffler mounts were missing and had to be fabricated, but then it all aligned and connected as designed. How it will sound remains a mystery but it looks fantastic.

After a small disruption caused by a non-original petrol pump, the fuel tank is now ready to be connected.

New fuel tank in place.

Back in its past when originality for an E-Type was not as important as it is now, a cheap substitute pump was hooked up, along with its bracketry.

I am wanting the car to go back to OEM whenever it is manageable, although not a concours finish, so reverting to a standard fitting is well within my parameters. It looks right and will deliver a better flow than the discarded substitute.

Local parts suppliers charge a hefty premium compared to those in the UK, but once the cost of freight and delays are factored in, it is six of one and half a dozen of the other.

As the bills keep mounting, way beyond all imagined estimates, I may have to recycle tea bags after all.

From Unique Cars #482, August 2023

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